A Story of Recovery©
One person's journey
Copyright by Sally Banach 2005
Exactly a year ago, my nutritionist and eating disorder therapist informed me that a healthy weight for me would be a minimum of 128/130 pounds. I am five feet six inches and have a medium frame. I was anorexic and couldn't imagine being comfortable and happy at that weight. Well, I worked hard at recovery and experienced many moments where I had to teach myself how to eat again and my body, also, had to learn how to digest food again. It was an uncomfortable and challenging process. Without getting into detail, I, like others, have problems but I needed to decide if I wanted poor health(malnourishment) to be an additional problem. Life presents problems on its own - my decision was to work towards becoming free with myself in all areas of my life.
I did not trust, at first, that I would not continue to gain weight. I didn't believe that once I became consistent and diligent with eating that I would reach a set point and level off. Well, guess what - I leveled off. I successfully stay in a 128 - 130 pound range. My nutritionist just recently pointed out that at 120 or anything less than 129 I would not be experiencing freedom at ANY level - my world would become one of restriction. I do not want to have a restrictive life. I want to be carefree. I want to relax and enjoy life's moments.
I eat snacks when I thought I never would have. I complete meals. I've become more flexible and much happier. The healthy"weight" that I need to maintain is no longer a major issue. I have too many other important things happening in my life and am thankful that at least, thank God, I no longer fear food and I am SLOWLY but SURLEY accepting my new body, which , by the way, is thin. I gained 22 pounds and have kept it on.
It is not easy work but I testify that I am experiencing freedom and joy. I feel liberated. And when the ED voice pops up in my mind, I make a determined effort to shut it up. My therapist and nutritionist still support me.
Yes, I have a different look. Size 6 jeans instead of size 2 or 4 but I am happy now and tears of joy instead of tears of frustration stream down my face.
Hope my experience is helpful
Good luck!
SALLY
When asked what the got her started, what the motivation was, she replied:
Yes, many things got me started and there are some how's and why's. Let me think about this. Bottom line: I "let go" and trusted caring professionals, I "walked the walk", learned about self-pity, and in the end, experienced an Awakening. You are quite familiar with the Chinese proverb,"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." I took the first step. Ah, yes, you want to know the impetus and how or why I stayed in the momentum. At least, these are the missing pieces in my post. Hmm.